Hard day

Today started well enough. Penultimate gym session with Rafael, came to work and my team seemed to be picking up the slacks for training, the whole day training went really well, and we had planned to have the new hires go to Shinyanga tomorrow for a field trip. Then my boss came in at 6pm to let us know he’s not happy with this plan, so we had to call the trainees to let them know they will not travel tomorrow, and the whole thing was just changed around, just like that.

I don’t mind changing plans if it is justifiable. But the thing is, my team made this decision together for good reasons, and to have it changed in the last minute really made me feel like we just made a horrible decision which had no deliberation. The decision was in fact not horrible. It was a fine one.

This is a perfect time to let go of the ego. I felt it was a personal affront on my decision making and leadership skill as a coordinator. And worst of all, it’s my boss who I thought have trusted me enough to make these kinds of decisions. In any case, I should not take it so personally, but I did, and it’s probably because of the following:

1. I did not have lunch or anything substantial to eat since after the gym, so perhaps my blood sugar was not in the best shape at 6pm when this happened.

2. I am feeling extremely stressed out because of:

a) the conference call on Thursday which I need to explain to the higher-ups why our project is such a mess;
b) the seminar on Friday which I am coordinating;

c) the monitoring visit on Friday, for which I have not prepare anything;

d) and finally, not having enough time to practice my presentation.

3. I feel that I am flying solo here with organizing this training, although there are people around me who I could delegate. I feel that if I don’t take a lead in anything, no one will pick up the slacks (this is the general feeling of being here). It is always like I am asking for a favor when I try to delegate. It’s not a good feeling.

In summary, it was a good day turned bad within minutes. So sad. Luckily I had dinner plans with Carlos and we hung out a bit on the veranda of Yun Long Chinese Restaurant, which made me feel a lot better. We also laughed at some silly memories in Mwanza, which helped a lot.

It is too bad he is leaving soon. I promised him I’m going to build him a shrine on this blog soon. Just not now, not when I’m under this kind of stress.